Let’s be honest with ourselves, friendships are HARD work. As goes for any relationship in life, friendships require time, sacrifice and emotional investment. However, we can all (hopefully) admit that they’re well worth the effort. A recent study showed that friendships can increase longevity – they’re good for your soul, people!
I’m currently experiencing a new phenomenon (one that usually occurs in your late 20’s), where all of my closest friends are on different wavelengths. A few are newly married, expecting their first child, some are single and hit up Tinder on the reg, others are across the country. I’ve realized that life isn’t as simple as it used to be, and I can no longer walk 5 feet into my best friend’s bedroom and vent about my awful day at work. Things are complicated – people are busy, have different priorities, and life takes over. As I’m guilty of this myself, I’ve been making more of an effort to maintain the relationships that mean the most to me. Here are 4 things I’ve been focusing on:
1. Be Honest: A couple of months ago, my girlfriend and I were texting and at one point I got distracted and stopped responding. The next day, she sent me a note and told me flat out it frustrated her that I never wrote back. I cannot stress enough how much I appreciated this feedback. I completed agreed with her that it was disrespectful on my part, and I was glad she called me out on it. She cared enough about our relationship to call me out on my BS, instead of waiting until she exploded with anger and never spoke to me again. I would’ve never known what I did wrong, and we both would have lost a friendship. Be honest with your friends – tell them when they piss you off, when you’re disappointed, and don’t forget to let them know how much you appreciate the little things.
2. Be There: Sometimes you have to sacrifice your dinner plans to meet up a friend who is having a rough day. Being present is the best thing you can offer, so make sure you’re there when times are tough and also when it’s time to celebrate the wins. If you aren’t willing to sacrifice your schedule, expect the same in return.
3. Reach Out: Whenever a friend comes to mind, I always reach out to that person. It could be that I heard a song that reminded me of them, I was wondering what they were up to, ANYTHING. I’ll either text or call – I’ve found this is a great way to stay in touch, so you don’t have to rely on those awkward “How are you doing? What’s new?” emails that people stop responding to after message two. You shouldn’t have to plan when you’re going to reach out to a friend, it should be natural.
4. Schedule Time: Half the battle is coordinating with everyone’s busy schedules. Last minute meet-ups rarely work out, so try to schedule a recurring hangout on the same day of the week/month. For example, my girlfriends and I recently started a monthly book club. It’s a guaranteed date that we’ll all plan for, and a fun excuse to grab a few drinks and catch up. Another idea is a Sunday ladies brunch – mimosas & girl talk go too well together.
What do you do to maintain lasting friendships? I’d love to hear your tips!
