Ruffle Top: Need Supply | Linen Pants: I bought these in Greece last summer, but here are similar ones in white | Satin Slides: Zara, similar here | Bag: Danse Lente | Coin Necklaces: Etsy | Gold Bracelet: Vintage, similar here
It’s no secret that I turned 30 late last year. It happened…in Paris, actually! Truth be told, before I hit the big 3-0, I was TERRIFIED. It wasn’t based on anything of substance, but seeing the number on paper/saying it out loud gave me anxiety. Something about not being a “twenty-something” anymore…I couldn’t wrap my head around it. There are also societal norms that you’re expected to achieve at a certain age, and it puts a lot of pressure on women particularly. Exhibit A – there hasn’t been one family gathering where I haven’t been interrogated about “when I’m getting married”, or “what am I waiting for?!”.
Funny thing is, the societal pressure never goes away, no matter how old you are. There will always be SOMETHING you should be doing, and when you’re not on everyone else’s timeline, you’re doing it wrong. This adds additional stress/anxiety, on top of the fact that you’re getting older…which is already stressful in and of itself! Anyway, the point I’m getting at is that it’s unfortunate that we let these pressures get to us, because…
when you take a step away from all the noise, you realize there is pretty amazing shit happening.
I’m starting to see things in a different light. Not that my life changed overnight, but after reflecting and thinking back on my former self, I have more clarity now than I ever did in my twenties.
i’ve taken control of my life.
In my twenties, especially in my early twenties, I was simply riding the wave. I went with the flow. I graduated from college and moved back home. My first job (one that I immediately hated) was close to my mom’s in the north suburbs, so there was no reason for me to be in the city. I remember one day parking in the lot at the office and bursting into tears, thinking “is this what my life is going to be?”.
Later that year, I moved into the city with my college roommates, and dealt with the 1-1.5 hour commute to work for about 6 months. The first time I “took control” of my life? When I mustered up the courage to leave my first job (it was in accounting by the way – SO not up my alley), and accepted a job for lower pay at a digital agency downtown. This decision was not one that my family supported. Why would I leave a stable job right by home? A pay cut?!! Why did I even move to the city?! What was I even going to be DOING at this new job? It was beyond comprehension.
I was exponentially happier with my new life. I finally felt on my own, with the chance to grow into myself in this big city with my closest friends. I worked with people my age, and loved what I was doing.
A few years into my new gig, I felt a void. I was missing something. I wanted a new challenge, but more of a creative one. One night as Leo and I were going to bed, the words “I’m going to start a blog” just spilled out of my mouth. I spent the entire next weekend building my website and BOOM. There it was. It was a scary thing to put myself out there, but I took control and did what I wanted to do. Here I am, still at it…almost three and a half years later.
These are just a couple examples where I jumped in the drivers seat. It wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was a gradual process, one that became easier and easier as I get older.
Now, at 30, I feel the most in control of my life than I ever have been, and there is something so calming and reassuring about it.
You just have to be confident in yourself…which leads me to my next point.
i know what i want, and i stick with it.
I don’t mean that in a bitchy, pompous way. I mean it in the best way possible. In your twenties, you spend so much time doing shit you don’t want to do, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. You don’t know what you like until you know what you don’t like…and how do you know what you don’t like until you’ve tried it all?!
I was low maintenance, easy going. I always went with the flow…until I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was fine for the time I did it, until I found my free time dwindling as I was spending it more on things I didn’t want to be doing. Finally, I just started to say no. Saying no is so incredibly liberating. TRY IT.
Sure, obviously, I still do things I don’t want to do…that’s part of being an adult. Laundry, bills, errands…all things I don’t want to do! BUT, when it comes to my free time and how I’m spending it, I am selective, and I don’t feel guilty about it anymore. It’s kind of amazing.
no more FOMO.
Somewhat related to my previous point…but I don’t get FOMO anymore. I used to not be able to sit at home on a weekend and NOT think about all the fun everyone else was having in the outside world. Now, a weekend lounging around the house sounds just GLORIOUS.
This ties in very much with confidence and knowing what you enjoy doing. If you’re doing what YOU want to do, who gives an F about what everyone else is doing? You do you.
i’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin.
I went to visit my little cousin in college back in October…she’s actually at my Alma Mater so I’ll take any opportunity to go back there…and I hung out with the girls in their dorm rooms as they got ready to go out. It was so nostalgic and reminded me of the days me and my friends all got ready together, all up in each others closets, getting dolled up for a night out.
The one thing that dawned on me while I was witnessing this nostalgic moment – every single girl wasn’t confident in what they were wearing or how their makeup looked. It was mind blowing to see these beautiful girls questioning their appearance. “Does this this look okay?”, “Does my eyeliner look weird?”, “Do I look dumb with this lipstick on?”. It took me back to my 18 year old self, when I was asking the same exact questions.
At thirty, those questions don’t even CROSS YOUR MIND. Partially because you know what works for you and your body, and more so even because you simply don’t give a shit what people think anymore. Don’t like my lipstick? Don’t care, wearing it anyway.
I push the limits in many ways, one of them being my style. Sometimes, I may look like an idiot, but honestly, it doesn’t even matter to me anymore. What matters is that I feel good in what I’m wearing and how I’m presenting myself. It’s quite liberating.
